I can't believe it. Mateo just turned 5 months and my little Azeli bug will be 4 in less then a month. Gosh they grow so fast. I was looking at pictures last night of when Azeli was a little chubby baby. She was adorable. Not she will be 4 in October. My baby will be 4. She is wise beyond her years. She is so damn smart. Today she asked me "Mommy right now I am a little girl so I have boobies but when I get bigger will I have big boobs like you?" I said yup when you grow bigger your boobies will grow too! She cracks me up. She wants to have a ballerina, Barbie, butterfly party. I told her that the boys might not want to be ballerina Barbie butterflies.She said the boys can be Darth Vaders. LOL she kills me. I can see it now I have a house full of ballarina Barbie butterflies and Darth Vaders. She is so excited for her birthday. I havent decided what we are going to get her yet. She wants everything she sees and bonus if its pink. She is such a girly girl. And that is something I am not, at all. I will only wear pink if its accompanied with black. She LOVES to dress up in her princess including the princess pumps and dance. She is a crack up. She loves being a big sister. And he adores her. She can always cheer him up. I was taking pictures of them together the other day and smile because at a glance they look so different but if you compare features they look a lot alike.
Mateo is such a sweetie. He is a chub. We are still nursing and we still supplement on bottle of formula at night. I have tried just about everything to produce more milk. I take fenugreek 3 times a day and eat steal cut oatmeal for breakfast every day. I drink mothers milk tea on and off. And we nurse often. I am very proud I didn't give up because I wanted to so bad the first few weeks. Its hard work. For some woman it comes so easy but not me. But I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Its our time together. I love they way he looks up at me and plays with my curls they hang down across my breast. He loves the feeling of my skin. He reaches up and rubs my arm he even does it in his sleep when we nurse at night. I feels good to know I am nourishing him from my body. It is a true miracle to conceive a child grow it in your womb and bring it to life. Then to feed it from your breast. I love it. Its so amazing. I am planning to nurse till he is atleast one. I know its recommended to nurse till they are two. But we will see. I am just proud I have made it this far. He is finally rolling over. Its so cute. He rolls from his belly to his back and he always has this look after he does it like whoa what just happened. He is such a snuggler. He is a big time mommas boy. When Daddy holds him he always looks for me. I love it. I love they way he feels when I pick him up in the morning for the first time. I love the way he smells after a bath. I love the way his breath feels on my face when he falls sleep in my chest. I love when he grabs my face and gives me kisses (more like sucking on my chin). He is such a blessing. I am grateful to be given the chance to have children.
I am also blessed with an amazing partner. I love him with my whole soul. He is my soulmate. I don't think I have ever been loved by someone so much in my life. He understands me. All my crazy tics and moments of insanity. He knows when I just need to be held. He works his ass off so I can be home with the kids. He works his 40 hours and then comes home and freelances for another few hours and sometimes all night. He is such a hard worker. He is a great dad. He is such a natural at it. He isn't afraid to change a pooped diaper or give a bath. He wears the baby in a sling. Nothing fazes him. He is the best! I love him so much. The other day we were standing in the kitchen and he wraps his arms all the way around be and says " your such a great momma" and " you are my soulmate its just so easy with you, you just make me feel good" . I LOVE that man.