I just checked on my babies and they are both passed out in their own rooms. Azeli is still taking her nap tucked in her loft bed. She is so adorable. She is sweet but but not with out tons of attitude. I have no idea where she get it from. Today she said “when I grow up and get bigger then you , then I will be the boss” I smiled and said riight and explained how it all works. I explained I am Mommy and will always be bigger and older then her and “the boss”. She said “ok Mommy I still lub you”. I cracked up. Mateo passed out in his crib having “rain forest time “ as we call it. He loves it. The rain forest mobile plays the sounds of the rain forest while leaves go up and down and a monkey,bird and frog slowly spin around. He gets to excited. He kicks his feet and moves his arms around. He is so expressive (just like his big sis). He coos at them or talks to him as we say it. He then windes down and falls asleep. Its so adorable. He naps him is crib and sleeps in our room at night. Today Azeli stayed home with me. She is still going through the “big sister adjustment phase”. She has been having some behavior problems at preschool/daycare (whole other topic).
But being home with my kids today was awesome. Just saying “my kids” warms my heart. I love having a family. My own little family. I can’t imagine my life any other way. Sure sometimes i envy my single friends and friends that don’t have any kids. I do miss being able to just worry about me and being able to get just my self ready and get out of the house. But then I remember when I was single and didn’t have kids. I remember one time years ago I was hanging out with my older sister and I was leaving her house and she and her 3 kids were walking in the house from coming out side and saying bye to me. And I remember thinking I want that. I want my own family. I want someones to come home to. Someones that get excited to see me. Someones to hold and call me Mommy. Someones to nurse and take care of. My own “little family” didn’t happen the way I had expected but never the less I have it. And I am so happy I do. My children and my boyfriend are my life. I love being a mom. Even when I am woken up at 3am by a crying hungry baby and I am just about falling asleep nursing him. And to be honest at 3 am it can make you a very grumpy. But when I look down at him nursing away and he smiles up at me with a sleepy grin and milk dribbling down his cheek its all worth it. Its worth every sleepless night, every day you don’t get a shower, everyday you practically hold the baby all day, everyday you get barfed on. Because that is the reality of being a mom. You are the booboo kisser. Mom makes everything better. And I enjoy all of it. I am not super mom and sometimes there are things that happen that I say “oh hell no I didn’t sign up for this”. But I am very blessed that I have an amazing partner on this crazy ride. I call him “Bebs” ( inside joke) his name is Mark. And he is wonderful. I have never met a more caring man and I really mean never. He is the best father I could ask for , for our kids. He does it all. Changes diapers,gives baths and anything else that needs to be done. When I was pregnant he was very senstive to my needs. He was understanding when I was exhausted and knew when I needed a nap and made sure I wasn’t trying to be super woman. He gave Zeli baths when I was so big I couldn’t bend over. He smiled when I would call him at work to ask him if some crazy food craving sounded good. He baked me a cake because I was craving one and then made a special trip to my work to bring me some. He surprised me on my birthday with a foot massage at Bare Foot and Sage. He bought tons of ice cream. And when I complained I was fat and pregnant he would tell me how beautiful and sexy I was. And even now post baby having quite a bit of Mateo weight left he tells me its just left over Mateo love. He is truly my soulmate. After I had the baby I feel like I fell in love with him all over again. So there it is. I am in love with my family.
Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: India Arie, Good Morning